A hand in my guts.

Yup, one of those kinds of days. I feel like there is a hand twisting my guts into knots and trying to rip them out through my lower back. Endo sucks...especially today. The heating pad isn't helping very much, and I don't take pain meds of any kind if it can be helped while breast feeding. I will feel better tomorrow though, since I know what stupid thing I did to make me feel this way.

I am on the Keto diet to control my hormones, weight, inflammation, and overall health. It has been doing okay so far, but I think the stress has really hit me big time. A bunch of things went wrong all at once, and the stress has been quite hard to deal with. Stress is to endo what fire is to gasoline. So despite my being past the worst part of my cycle, I'm having to deal with the endo anyway. It hasn't been severe, except for today. I was having a hard day emotionally yesterday, so my dear spouse brought home pizza, and I ATE IT!!! I knew it would make me feel bad and be in pain, but like an idiot, I ate it anyway! Guess I know now that the price of eating poorly isn't just discomfort but full out pain. It has been a very bad day for me, but I guess I'm cured from wanting pizza now :/

I've had a couple new symptoms pop up here this last month. I now have referred shoulder pain in my right shoulder, and some pretty gnarly pain, weakness, and stiffness in my hands.

During a cesarean section you experience quite unpleasant pain in the right shoulder when the uterus is yanked outside of your body and scraped out. This has happened to me during all 3 of my c-sections and is pretty common. Even though the whole bottom portion of the body is temporarily paralyzed, you feel the referred pain in the shoulder from the yanking and stress on the uterus. When I got sharp stabbing pains in my shoulder that subsided into dull tearing aches, it felt EXACTLY like the referred shoulder pain during a c-section. A couple google searches reveled this to be fairly common among women with endo.

Some people seem to think the right shoulder pain happens if the endo is more advanced, but I don't think that is true. There isn't really any correlation between the amount of endo present and the pain that a woman feels. Some women may have an abdomen full of tissue and scars and hardly have any symptoms or pain. Other women have reported being in extreme pain, yet a laparoscopic surgery revealed rather small amounts of endo tissue. Personally, I think the pain has to do more with where the endo is located, how it is attached, and what is going on on a hormonal level. For example, I have always had a lot of emotional trouble. My teen years were filled with depression, rage, confusion, and lightening quick mood changes (I still go from happy to full-on rage instantly depending where I am in my cycle). I have always had a rather tough menses, but nothing super horrible. I had to use Advil, a heating pad, and lay down for a couple days, but I didn't have the excruciating pain or vomiting that a lot of endo women suffer from. When I had my ectopic pregnancy and the lap surgery to remove it was when I found out I had a gut full of scars and endo. My symptoms did improve quite a lot after the surgery (zero cramping pains the first two cycles), but I didn't have near the amount of pain that one would assume from the amount of endo that I had. My physical pain levels were tolerable, but the emotional side of it wasn't. Endo effects everyone who has it differently.

The shoulder pain was only a bother during the first day. Thankfully it went away and hasn't bothered me again (yet). However the hand issues have been lingering. I think the pain in my hands is due to circulation problems and inflammation. It is pretty severe in the mornings, but it progressively gets better as the day goes by. My husband has been changing the baby's diaper in the morning, because I can't. I can't even manage to do up the snaps on his diapers due to the stiffness, weakness, and pain in my hands and fingers. On particularly bad mornings (like this morning) I can barely move my fingers for the first 20-30 minutes after waking up.

I have not been as strict as I need to be with my diet. I haven't been drinking my herbal tea every day like I should be, and I've allowed my carbs to creep up higher than I should. I don't want to, but I may need to do an egg day to help get myself back on track. It sounds weird, but eating just eggs for a day gets rid of all my bloat and seems to "reset" my body when I'm having issues. Eggs are near perfect keto food (even better if cooked in butter).

Another note about the herbal tea. I've just been drinking the red raspberry leaf tea, as I've not had the money to order more tea. I want to add nettle and dandelion root to my rrl tea as I've read they are good teas for endo and liver health. It seems ironic that I spent all summer hating the dandelions in my yard when I should have been digging them up to make tea, lol

I'm also considering picking up some moringa. People on the internet claim it works miracles for health (endo included), but people on the internet claim all sorts of crazy things ;) I do want to try some, but really don't like the price of the tea bags, not willing to take yet another pill, and am not sure how I would use the powder. Many people put the powder in smoothies, but I don't drink smoothies. I've considered starting with some green smoothies, but I hate the cleanup that comes with it. I would like a Nutribullet for this use, but who has the money for something like that? Not me. I have an old regular bullet blender, but not sure if it could handle making green smoothies or if I'd end up with green "stringies" or "sludgies" instead, lol

On an up note, our situation does seem to be improving a bit. My husband has a job interview soon (with several good jobs he is well qualified for applied to as well) and our washing machine is now fixed! Yay! Not happy to have to fork over the money for a new transmission for it, but at least I'm not scrubbing laundry in the bathtub any more. I hope to be feeling much better once the stress level goes down and I can focus better on healing. There are plenty of women who have successfully suppressed their endo through diet and lifestyle changes, so I should be able to as well.

Another late update.

This blog seems to only get drafts that I never get around to finishing. I have been horrible about posting here! I have been doing better with my knitting blog of late though, so there's some progress.

Things have been kind of crazy here lately. Besides my nearly 5-month-old-baby teething, my washing machine broke, and my husband was let go from his job. Things just never seem to mellow out long enough to get comfortable.

The washing machine breaking has really made everyday life more bothersome. It wouldn't be so bad, but I cloth diaper the baby and have to do at least one load of laundry per day. We've managed to cut back on laundry a lot by only allowing clothes that are really dirty into the hamper (as opposed to clothing that was worn for an hour only (one of my daughters is quite bad about this)).

The crazy thing is that I think hand washing works well for diapers, so long as there are not a whole bunch of them to do. I even went so far as to order the MobileWasher to help make it easier to wash the soiled diapers in the "Homer Bucket" (the orange Home Depot one). My husband is working on the washing machine and feels confident he can get the part and get it fixed. I will feel better having the mobilewasher on hand. My biggest problems with hand washing the diapers are getting all the stains out and rinsing thoroughly enough.

The job situation has been pretty disheartening for my husband. I feel badly for him as he had just got the job, liked the work, and it had okay wages. He may have a job at the previous place, but he really doesn't want to work there again. We are praying he finds something quickly. Preferably he can get into a job that pays fairly and has long-term potential for him. Job stability would be nice for a change.

I had forgotten what it was like to have a teething baby. It isn't fun, that's for sure. My little boy is so cute and so happy, but this teething thing has been rough on him. He is only happy while being lifted in the air, otherwise he is grumpy and obviously uncomfortable. I can't wait for the teeth to break through and have him return to his much happier self.

Weight loss has been non-existent. I have not been doing the best at sticking to my diet, so instead of losing weight I've just been hanging out at around the same number this whole time. I keep dedicating myself to doing better, then something happens to ruin my motivation (like things mentioned above). At least I'm not gaining a whole bunch.

Not much else to write about right now. Hopefully it won't be months before my next post.

Update

So I haven't posted in a while, in a loooong while. I have been incredibly busy with having my baby and all that, but the reason for not posting is the lack of a computer. The on-board graphics card went out on my laptop, so I'm stuck without a working computer. Maybe I'll get the money to remedy that someday, but it won't be anytime soon sadly. That means of course that I'm typing this on my phone : /

The birth, oh the birth. It did not go well. I went overdue. I'm not talking about 40 weeks and 1 day. I truly was post-dates at 42 weeks and 3 days. I'm not sure why, but labor just never kicked in for me. I spent the entire pregnancy preparing and being so excited to birth my baby, then my body failed me at the finish line. I can't even express how disappointed I am. I am 8 weeks postpartum today (yesterday, by the time I post) and it is still very much on my mind. I know this will be a hurdle for me that will be tough to get over. I am sad.

I had a bpp (biophysical profile) a little before 42 weeks, and it revealed I had no fluid left. The midwife thought we should get him born ASAP, so we started natural induction methods. None of it worked. I fought to go into labor for 3 days!! It was exhausting and heartbreaking to watch my son's wonderful home birth slip through my fingers. Finally we tried some different positions trying to see if he would fully engage, and my wimpy contractions caused some scary decels in his heart rate. Apparently his cord was pinched and we needed to get to the hospital. So I ended up with worst-case-scenario #2. #1 would have been the death of my baby, #2 was yet another c-section.

My baby boy was 9lbs 3oz and 21 inches long at birth. He has been my most difficult baby yet, but I've never seen a more adorable baby when he's happy. I am so thankful that he is here. I wasn't able to give him the birth he deserved, but I'm giving it my all to care for him best as I can.

Breast feeding is important to me. I failed with my first as it was incredibly painful and the sores just wouldn't heal (I'm pretty sure I had thrush when I look back). I stopped before I wanted to with my second baby because I confused a nursing strike with weaning. It has been a huge struggle with my son. I had thrush pretty badly with extremely painful sores. I caved and used a nipple shield so I could heal while killing the thrush. Then I got mastitis so bad I couldn't get out of bed or even lift my water glass. I am extremely thankful that nursing is now pain-free. I hope to nurse him for 18-24 months unless he weans before then.

I have been very pleased with my weight. I gained a total of 35lbs during the pregnancy, and I lost all of it by 2 1/2 weeks postpartum. Since then I've lost another 17lbs. I'm following a keto diet and love it. The weight loss is great, and I feel good and have no issues with breast feeding supply (this is something I've heard against low carb diets, even though it really doesn't make sense). I lost a lot of weight at first, then caved and had a couple weeks of bad food (Ben and Jerry, I'm looking at you!). I gained back what I'd lost during that time, but it all came right off with one week of strict keto. Last week I lost 3lbs, pretty good progress I think. My goal is 4lbs per month, which would put me at my ideal weight when the baby is 18 months old (we may consider trying for our 4th baby then).

Yes I hope to have another baby. And yes, I will attempt a vba3c, most likely at home. I have been doing research to improve my odds, but I think that is a complete post in itself. For right now I am focusing on healing emotionally from the c-section, and taking care of my wonderful little boy. The new school year is fast approaching, and I'm not sure how I am going to manage with a new baby! I'm sure it will work out, I just don't see how yet.

That was long and rambly, but at least I finally managed to post, lol

First fluff mail!

I got my first "fluff mail" today! My GMD Indian cotton prefolds came! I ordered the non-chlorine bleached ones for a cleaner look. I was going to get organic or unbleached, but hubby thought white cleaner looking ones would be better. Anything to keep him on board with changing diapers, especially considering he is willing to use prefolds without any fuss. I got a notice that my order was shipped on Tuesday only about an hour after placing. To say the least, I am very happy with the shipping. I also noticed when I opened the box there are 2 free safety pins included! Very cool! I haven't bought any Snappies, so having the pins is nice. I know this is pretty boring, but I am excited, lol

All 24 brand-new, never-been-washed, prefolds!

I skipped the newborn size as they are supposed to fit up to 10 lbs. My girls were born at 37 and 38 weeks, and they averaged 8 1/2 lbs at birth. I am thinking if this little guy has the extra time to cook, he could come out more in the 9+ lb range. I would feel like I wasted money if I bought a bunch of diapers that only fit for a week or two. The plan is to just fold down the back or front as needed until they fit properly. I shouldn't have to buy more prefolds until he is about 6 months old. This order of prefolds cost me $63, including shipping, or roughly $2.62 each. So far between the prefolds and wool yarn, I've spent around $125 on diapers. Wipes will be free (planning on cutting up a couple receiving blankets and an old worn out flannel sheet), but I still need to buy some Snappies, hemp doublers, and a wet bag or two.

My 26 week bump.

Today I am 26 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I have read third trimester starts the 26th, 27th, or 28th week. I figure I'll go with the middle one, so will be in the third trimester here in a few days. I've not posted a belly shot anywhere before, but thought I'd do one here for fun. So here's my baby bump :)

 

Thank you to Ned Bandit for the shirt! It fits great, and isn't as low cut as I thought. :)

Root Beer Float Gum.

My husband picked this up for me earlier. Seriously? What will they come up with next? FYI, kinda mild in flavor, but really tasty nonetheless. :)

My current diet failings.

I've been doing this whole roller coaster thing with my diet; totally not cool, but it is what it is. Hormones and nasty cravings get the better of me, and I fall WAY off the low-carb wagon (I'm talking eating a heaping dinner plate full of tater tots here, not a slice of bread once in a while). I do this streak of horrid eating for about a week and a half, until my weight gain makes me cry one morning. I then go back to eating low-carb for a couple weeks and lose all the bloating and excess that I had gained. I struggle really hard to control myself leading up to my midwife appointment, then cave nearly immediately after. This is a horrible horrible pattern! It shouldn't be so hard to control myself! I am hoping this is because of the hormones, and will go away after the baby is born. If not, I am kinda screwed here : /

I've been on my roller coaster of self-destruction for a few months now, and I totally just caved again today :(  I had been eating excellently for a week now, and got my weight at a stable and healthy point (for me, in this pregnancy). Supper was late today (we were very much out of food, and hubby was out grocery shopping), and I caved when the husband just wanted to get fast food. I managed to keep it from being super horrible, where low-carb is concerned. For me he got a burger from Hardee's, just the burger, no pop or fries though I did eat the bun.

When exactly did Hardee's food become so delicious? I remember their burgers being sub-par at best, and their restaurants being really filthy. Anyway, when getting a burger on low-carb, fat and meat is good, it is the bun and condiments that are a no-no. I had him get a Monster Thickburger for me. Oh my goodness! 2/3 lbs of beef with cheese and bacon! I don't remember the last time I tasted something so incredibly delicious! Those 47 carbs were totally worth it, ha ha, though I'd better not make a habit of it. I won't even list the calories and fat, as it would make a calorie counting, low-fat fanatic, have a heart attack just thinking about it!

We are well stocked on food again, and I'll need to start preparing dishes for the rest of the week. I really hope I can get back on track here and stop these binges on carbs! I think I know what I am going to do next time I feel a binge is inevitable though. I will have another one of those Monster Thickburgers, but ditch the bun and have it on salad making it more in the ballpark of 5-10 carbs (depending on my salad of course, the burger without bun is only 2 carbs!).

As far as decent low-carbing goes, I have been getting a tiny bit more creative. I get most of my recipes from Low-Carb Linda's website and Kent Altena (aka Bowulf) on YouTube (he has a cocktail meatball recipe that looks really good that I have yet to try). I used a recipe from Linda's website for orange pecan muffins using almond flour. They were really good. I experimented a bit and omitted all the orangy stuff and nuts, and added some cinnamon and raisins instead. Topped with cream cheese those muffins were little bits of heaven. I do believe the cream cheese is what really made it ;) I have entirely too many desert recipes set aside for this week : / Being low-carb, that's not totally horrid, but I do need to be cutting back on my use of sweeteners and not binge on almond flour. I have a recipe for stuffed peppers that I think will be great for frozen meals during postpartum. I am stressing about what to freeze for then, but that would be a whole 'nother post!

So besides being wishy-washy on my diet, not much has changed. I have more energy now, so by all means I should have started doing my prenatal yoga. Alas, I'm finding quite a void where my motivation tank ought to be. I got some floor mats for blocking a knitted project, so the floor being too hard isn't a viable excuse anymore either. I know the yoga would really help me, but I kinda hate that it takes 50 minutes and most of it is sitting there making dumb noises and taking an inhuman amount of time to breathe in and out. I would probably feel better after, but that first step is always the hardest (especially when children are watching and laughing at you).

On a last note, the TAXES ARE DONE!!! Hooray! Hopefully in a week or so we will be paying off the midwife and ordering diapers. It will feel great to be all done making payments to the midwife and get those diapers in our possession. Technically, the only things we need for the baby will be car seat and diapers. All the other stuff I want to get would be awesome to have, but are still only wants and not total necessities. I will NOT live without diapers though... lol