I had an unplanned pregnancy that ended just two weeks ago. It was an ectopic pregnancy that ended after two and a half weeks of bleeding and more pain than I would care to ever experience again. I had surgery two weeks ago today (I was 7 weeks pregnant at the time). Besides losing the baby I had grown to love, I also lost my left fallopian tube and ovary. The problem was caused by scar tissue from my two previous cesarean deliveries which had fused several of my organs together. My fallopian tube and ovary were fused together in a tangled mess, so the baby never had a chance to make its way into my uterus where it could be nurtured and grown the way God intended.
I know miscarriage is pretty common, and several women experience ectopic pregnancies, but I never fully realized how heart breaking it was until it happened to me. My brain understood what was going on, but my heart has had a hard time with it. The physical pain was the worst I have ever experienced, but it has been nothing next to the emotional pain of losing a baby. The only consolation there has been for me during this time is the belief that a baby is a baby with a soul at conception, and that children belong to God. I believe my very tiny baby has went to be with God and someday I will get to meet the baby that I love so dearly and miss so much. I can't even imagine how I would make it through this if I didn't have Jesus to lean on and pray to.
I should be able to have another baby after I am healed, but that doesn't fill the void left inside of me. It will take time to heal from this, and I know that a part of my heart will always ache for the tiny baby that I lost. I didn't know how much I wanted a third child until I found out I was pregnant. I will try for another baby after I have my weight down to an acceptable amount. Right now I am healing physically and emotionally. I am trying to lose weight by eliminating as many simple carbs as I can from my diet, and I am focusing more on the two children that I do have. I am trying to spend more quality time with my kids apart from the normal daily grind and school based activities. There have been more hugs and kisses in our house of late as well. My whole family is hurting from our recent loss, and we are all working on healing.
I hope to post again in about a week. I have so much updating to do on my knitting blog that I don't even know where to begin, but I need to get that done. Hopefully I will get at least one post done over there by the end of today, it all depends on how strong I feel.
I know miscarriage is pretty common, and several women experience ectopic pregnancies, but I never fully realized how heart breaking it was until it happened to me. My brain understood what was going on, but my heart has had a hard time with it. The physical pain was the worst I have ever experienced, but it has been nothing next to the emotional pain of losing a baby. The only consolation there has been for me during this time is the belief that a baby is a baby with a soul at conception, and that children belong to God. I believe my very tiny baby has went to be with God and someday I will get to meet the baby that I love so dearly and miss so much. I can't even imagine how I would make it through this if I didn't have Jesus to lean on and pray to.
I should be able to have another baby after I am healed, but that doesn't fill the void left inside of me. It will take time to heal from this, and I know that a part of my heart will always ache for the tiny baby that I lost. I didn't know how much I wanted a third child until I found out I was pregnant. I will try for another baby after I have my weight down to an acceptable amount. Right now I am healing physically and emotionally. I am trying to lose weight by eliminating as many simple carbs as I can from my diet, and I am focusing more on the two children that I do have. I am trying to spend more quality time with my kids apart from the normal daily grind and school based activities. There have been more hugs and kisses in our house of late as well. My whole family is hurting from our recent loss, and we are all working on healing.
I hope to post again in about a week. I have so much updating to do on my knitting blog that I don't even know where to begin, but I need to get that done. Hopefully I will get at least one post done over there by the end of today, it all depends on how strong I feel.
